This is My Life

I haven't been keeping up with my Friends page lately and I apologize. I hope everyone is still alive, at least!

I just wanted to post this little gem because it might give some of you a chuckle.

Sage spent Tuesday afternoon with his friends Zak and Max and their dad. He came home with a small rubbery lizard toy that he named Strawberry because it is red. He was telling me about his playdate later and part of our conversation went something like this:

"When we were getting in the car, Max pinched Zaky on the butt and Zaky yelled "YE-OUCH! Then he said to his daddy, 'Max pinched my BUTT!'"

Me: "What did his daddy say?"

Sage: "I dunno but that's when I put Strawberry up my nose!"

...and now I know why he came home with the lizard...

Well, that didn't take long. Mae refused to go potty at all today, so I put her back in diapers. I don't think she quite "gets it" yet. I'll keep asking until she says yes again, I guess.

( Potty-training talk behind cut )

Sage told me the other day that he likes to help his teacher take care of the class pet, which is a turtle named Squishy. I've been wanting a caged pet for some time, but I know I have enough to take care of, so I cut him a deal. I'd help him take care of a goldfish. If he can help me take care of a goldfish for a year, then we can add a furry caged pet to our menagerie. I'm partial to fancy rats, but we'll see. My first goal is to keep the fish alive for a year. We went to Petsmart today for the supplies and the fish. I like Petsmart because they have small pets for sale that live in clean, appropriate-sized cages. Their cats are rescues and they have adoption fairs with local dog rescues. I think people should either rescue animals or get them straight from a reputable breeder and I didn't want to go to a pet store that bought from mills. Anyhoo, Petsmart has a nice variety of fish and the employee I spoke with was very helpful. We now have a starter goldfish tank which one lucky goldfish will soon call home. The employee suggested that we go home and set it up and let the ecosystem settle before we bring home the fish. She also made sure we understood that the tank we chose could only house one goldfish because it is so small. Hey, that's fine with me! Of course, Sage changed his mind the minute we started setting it up. I told him that he could choose between two female Bettas and one goldfish. I explained that we were setting up a goldfish tank which came with food and water conditioner for a goldfish and not for bettas. He cried, but he'll get over it when he gets to go pick his fish on Monday.

I, myself, have been feeling rather up & down lately. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to increase my medication, so I'm kind of banking on that right now. I'm currently on a starter dose of Zoloft. I've been feeling pretty low because I've been having trouble with the MOMS Club, which is the only source of daytime companionship I have right now. I click well with the women in the toddler playgroup, but when I host a group-wide activity then no one shows up. Last Friday I hosted something at my house to which only one person RSVP'd at all. She canceled that morning "because no one else was coming." Yay. I've also had some trouble with the MOMS Club board, but I don't want to go into that. I have found another group called Moms 'n Munchkins that has a Meet & Greet at the end of the month. Definitely looking forward to that! I was lamenting to Ben two weeks ago that I wasn't making many friends through the MOMS Club and he suggested that I try to at least talk to other people when I'm at the mall, a playground, or the library. Since then I've tried to muster eye contact, a smile, and even a "how are you?" I wasn't getting very far until last Thursday. I decided to take the kids to a playground after I picked Sage up from school and I picked one that I thought would have a lot of kids there, so we went to the Worthington Community Center. Alas, it was completely empty but we stayed anyway. We had snack and the kids played with each other and then suddenly a mother of a kid in Sage's class showed up with all three of her kids! We started talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. I plan on calling her this evening. Then yesterday morning, I took the kids to a nearby playground and met a woman who has a son with special needs. We talked for a while and exchanged numbers. Her son is maybe six months younger than Sage and is in a five-day morning preschool program. Since Sage is in an afternoon program, we decided to get together next Saturday afternoon. She also has a daughter somewhat older than Mae, so that should be fun for her! Fun for me too. It will be nice to be with someone who is used to Sage's kind of behavior. I've been trying to be less uptight and frustrated with him as it is, but to be with someone whose son has similar issues will be downright relaxing!

For the past few months, I've been encouraging Mae to use the potty before her nap and before bedtime. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. The good news is that she is interested in trying. Yesterday we were at the Worthington Community Center playground and I used the facilities. She told me she needed to go, but since she feels the need to strip naked before she sits on the toilet, I told her not this time. Then a minute later she dirtied her diaper. So today we have started a full potty training routine. I'm asking her to sit on the potty every two hours. I'm not expecting miracles, but I do hope she will be fully potty-trained by her third birthday this October. My biggest problem with Sage was that I wasn't willing to commit to it until it became embarrassing for him to still be in diapers. So I hereby state my commitment to fully potty-training Mae by her third birthday!

Things to do today:

-Groceries at Costco
-washing and folding laundry
-unload and load dishwasher
-cleaning the first floor bathroom, kitchen, and playroom, so as to be presentable for guests tomorrow

Yow.

I just joined Twitter! Username kdeutschle. I used my gmail account to add friends, but if I haven't added you or don't have your active account, please find me and add me!

Last night I read Mae a Curious George goodnight book- one of those that is based on the current tv show. It's pretty simplistic, just two or three sentences per page. Anyway, Mae decided to read it to me instead. Here's how it went if I translate her muddled speech into what I can understand:

Page 1: "It's Curious George!"
Page 2: "Look at his toys! Lots of toys!"
Page 3: "He's taking a bath! Look at bubbles! Bubbles on his head!"
Page 4: "Now look! Oh no!"
Page 5: "Aw, the baby is tired. Shhhhhhh."
Page 6: "Goodnight George!"

It's so neat to watch her speech blossom like that. :)

Sage is a loud kid. He laughs loud, yells loud, plays loud, talks loud. He likes to roar and hiss and snarl and growl. We've had many talks about letting people know that he is playing or pretending before he starts to make these noises. He also has to ask permission from other children to "play monsters or dinosaurs" before he can get in their faces. He's pretty good about it, at this point. I've learned how to pick my battles with him and only lay down the law when he's doing something that I consider inappropriate. We've had some serious battles over TV and movies, though. Since he was very little, he's wanted to watch Spiderman, Batman, Star Wars; anything with violence entirely unsuitable for his age. I made the mistake of letting him watch Star Wars Episode 1 when he was younger, and it was a horrible idea. He would act the violence out, which would often involve me getting whacked with something. He had a hard enough time playing appropriately back then, but the added violence made him almost unbearable to be around.
Now that he's five, I've started letting both he and Mae watch Pokemon and Disney movies. On Mondays when he doesn't have school, I let him watch movies like The Goonies, Labyrinth, E.T., or Iron Giant while Mae is napping. He is starting to show me that he understands the difference between the "good guys" and the "bad guys," and is aware that I do not think it is appropriate to play like the "bad guys." He is also showing me that he understands that in the real world, "bad guys" do not exist. There are people who started out as babies and, for various reasons, have learned to repeatedly make bad choices in their lives. He is also beginning to understand that "bad guys" can redeem themselves by making a good choice. I still don't let him watch superhero movies or cartoons because I think he is still too young and impressionable. The violence also makes me uncomfortable and I've made that clear to him. He knows that he will be able to watch these things when he is older and has made his peace with it. I have also decided that I will allow him to watch these things when I think he can understand it as a source of entertainment and not a reflection on the real world around him.

Anyway, today we had this conversation:

"Mom, my friend Chase really likes Star Wars!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, he watches it all the time."
"As much as you watch Pokemon?"
"Yeah. (pause) But I don't like Star Wars. It's too violent."
"What does 'violent' mean?" (I tend to ask him that question as if I don't know, to see if he really knows.)
"It means when there is too much fighting. I don't like fighting very much."
"Oh, well that's good. Neither do I."
(pause) "I like Pokemon best."

Yay! Yay yay yay yay yay. Even if he doesn't fully mean it, I feel like I've won a small battle.

I'm carrying about 20 pounds of excess weight that I'm having some serious trouble losing. It wasn't so bad before I started taking Zoloft, which causes me to retain water as well. I have a gym membership and I am watching my caloric intake, but I am not losing any weight. I have trouble getting into a routine of going to the gym regularly. I'll go 3 days a week for two weeks straight and then get there 1-2 times a week for the next two weeks. I've noticed that my attendance drastically decreases towards the end of my monthly cycle, but that really should not be an excuse. I'd like to go three times a week, minimum. The kids love the play area and they get upset when we don't go. I'd like for them to know what to expect, but for that to happen I need to find the willpower to stick to a routine.

Ideally, I'd like to work out on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. On Tuesdays, I'd like to workout after I pick Sage up from school and then take them to the open swim at 4pm. On the other days, I could work out from 10:00-11:30 and then feed them lunch at the gym before Sage has to be at school at noon. I could also work out after I pick Sage up from school, which is what I've been doing when I manage to go at all. I keep telling myself, "Oh, well I'll definitely start going to the gym regularly during the summer when the kids are driving my crazy." I want to start now, though. I need to start now. I need to lose this weight because if I don't I will never have enough energy to take care of my kids without being a grumpy bitch all day. How do I do this, folks?

Crazy lady at Target, who walked up right behind me as I was using my remote to close my van doors: "That's not safe, you know."

Me: "What?"

Crazy lady: "I got an email that told me people sit in parking lots and steal codes from remotes like yours."

Me: "My code? (thinking surely my remote is more secure than that...)"

CL: "Yeah, your code. People can steal it and rob your car."

Me: "Oh, um. Thanks."

Luckily, we do not live in the 1970's and car manufacturers have created a much more secure system than having one static code for your remote transmitter. Thanks, HowStuffWorks.com! Take that, crazy lady.

The kids have been getting on my nerves lately. Mae has slowly been turning into the screaming banshee that consumes most children between the ages of two and four. If I don't understand her the first time, she starts screaming at me. Our conversations sound mostly like this, "Eyewana eea naba." "Um, you want to eat a banana?" "EYEWANA EEA NABA! EYEWANA EEA NABA! EYEWANA EEA NABA!" I'm trying to be patient, but the attitude gets to me quickly. I've been walking away and ignoring her until the screaming stops, but my first reaction is to scream back.

Sage isn't helping matters, either. Last summer, he was a major drama queen. He would jump to these crazy conclusions and then totally overreact. I noticed a steady decrease in this behavior shortly after he started school, but it's returned in a milder form. Here's an example:
Let's say he spills his milk all over the floor. Last summer, he would have started wailing at the top of his lungs about how he's NEVER EVER going to get milk again, and how it's going to take FOREVER to clean it up and he'll NEVER get to play with his toys. Now, he'll clean it up and then say something like, "I guess I won't get to have any more chocolate milk today" in this most pitiful, sulky voice. That happened this morning and I told him that he could either feel sorry for himself or ask me for another glass of milk.
I know that doesn't sound like much, but something like that happens at least once an hour and it has gotten on my nerves. If he asks me to do some project and I tell him that it has to wait until after breakfast, I hear "You mean we'll NEVER get to do this?! AW MAN!" in this horrible high-pitched squeal. I don't know what to do about this behavior, except for deal with it calmly. I'm not sure if I should punish for it or not. Right now, I'm explaining that it's not ok to react like that and that he needs to listen to what people are really saying. It's not working.

I took Sage to see Hotel for Dogs yesterday. It was a pretty cute movie about two kids in the foster system who start to rescue stray dogs and house them in an abandoned hotel. The boy creates a bunch of amazing contraptions to help take care of the dogs, which was Sage's favorite part. I had to try really hard not to cry through a lot of the movie because it hits two of my soft spots- abandoned animals and abandoned kids. Good movie, though.
Before the movie there was a preview for some movie that stars Zac Efron, but it psyched me out because it started with Matthew Perry and Judd Apatow's wife, Leslie Mann, with Michelle Trachtenberg as their daughter and Thomas Lennon as the goofy sidekick. (Michelle Trachtenberg played Buffy's little sister Dawn in the Buffy TV shows and Thomas Lennon is from my second favorite comedy skit show "The State.") I was seriously excited about the movie for the first three seconds of the preview until Matthew Perry turned into Zac Efron. I guess the movie is about some sad guy who gets a second chance and turns back into a 17 year old. Poor Matthew Perry. It must suck to be cast as a sad, bloated 30-something who is then replaced by a fresh-faced teen star for the majority of a movie. Talk about depressing. I really like Matthew Perry. I liked him on Friends, I liked him on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, I liked The Whole Nine Yards, and I liked Numb. Oh well, at least he got some work, right? Stupid, creepy Zac Efron. Blech.

On Wednesday, I'm going to see He's Just Not That Into You with a bunch of Moms Club folks. Even if the movie sucks, I will enjoy watching such a crazy cast of people for two hours. Also, if you have not yet seen it, you must rent Zack and Miri Make a Porno. It's not OMG the best thing everz, but it's decent and Jason Mewes is hot and Justin Long is hilarious.

Everytime Sage watches the part of Toy Story Two where Jessie is remembering Emily, Sage turns to me and goes,"I love you, Mom." Soooooo cute.



We got back from vacation on Sunday. Ben and I went to Little Cayman Islands while the kids stayed with a variety of relatives. Everyone was out of sorts on Sunday, but yesterday was slightly better. We went to playgroup and the kids got haircuts. I didn't make it to the gym, though. Today has been kind of strange because I've decided to start driving Sage to school in the morning. Our regular routine can get stretched out over an extra hour now, but I felt discombobulated. I need to figure out exactly when I'll do things. I want to get up and shower before the kids get up, but that rarely happens for real. Ah, schedules. I hate them, but without them I feel out of control and get upset. My goal is to have breakfast out of the way by 8am and everyone clean and dressed by 8:30am. The rest of the day can kind of follow suit.

Picture post soon- I need to take Sage to school now.

It occurred to me today how often Sage, Mae, and I don't see another soul until we go to the gym in the afternoon. Every few weeks we make it to a playgroup or a MOMS Club event, but most of the time it's just us. I feel a little sorry for Sage. He sees kids at school, but he has no friends to speak of. The playgroup we go to is for kids Mae's age, and while there are older siblings who attend, Sage hasn't really bonded with any of them. It's probably because they only see each other once a month or so. The MOMS Club events are all in the late morning, usually from 10-12. I have to get Sage on the bus at 11am, so it isn't possible to go to anything. When I do manage to go, most people are rather chilly or uninterested. I feel like I have to force myself into conversations, which I am never comfortable with. I feel like I'm doing something wrong or failing in some way. I'm just not good at meeting people. It seems like the majority of the people I have met so far don't care to pursue a friendship either with me or Sage. Whatever it is, I feel lonely and I feel sorry for both him and Mae. I think I need to find a new way to meet parents or it's going to be a long summer.

Sage turned five years old at the beginning of this month. To refresh your memory, he is in preschool at a school that provides some behavioral modification and occupational therapy for him. Between December and March, the teachers are evaluating their students for kindergarten readiness. They make a final decision in March and then kindergarten enrollment begins. There is so much more expected of children in kindergarten these days than when I was young. I won't go into those details, but there is some question as to whether or not Sage is ready.

Academically, his teacher says he is right on target with most things and ahead of the curve when it comes to abstract thinking and problem solving. He knows his alphabet and how to draw the letters. He knows how to count to 100 and can count by 100's up to 1,009. He understands the concepts of addition and subtraction and can do single digit problems in his head. He doesn't quite know what he's looking at when presented with a written problem, like 2 + 2 = ?. But if you ask him verbally what 19 minus 2 is, he'll mumble something like "9 minus 2 is 7..." and then say, "Seventeen!" He understands the concept of density, he understands the difference between reversible and irreversible change, and he has a million questions about the scientific nature of the world. He's obviously a smart kid.

The problem comes when he is asked to do something he isn't interested in or is anxious to do. He also has trouble completing tasks independently. He gets off track, messes around, distracts others, etc. His previous problem with physical and verbal aggression has diminished, but his teacher says he could use one more year with her in preschool to work on his social and emotional skills.

I'm on the fence here as well. On one hand, it disturbs me that he will be 7 years old in kindergarten. His teacher assures me that there is a wide age range of children beginning kindergarten these days. One third of the children are 4/5, one third are 5/6, and one third are 6/7 years of age. I don't know if I believe that, but what do I know? I worry about him physically maturing faster than most of the other kids in his class. How stressful will it be for him to be one of the first to go through puberty? Will he feel inferior because he is older than 2/3's of his classmates? Will he be stereotyped by his teachers? Most importantly, will he be bored academically?

If he does move on to kindergarten and there are still behavioral and "occupational" (ie sensory) concerns, then he will still have access to a school psychologist and an occupational therapist. He will still be able to have an IEP (individualized education plan). In short, the school will be looking out for him. However, if he stays another year in preschool then he may be able to enter kindergarten with the appropriate skills and may not need special help.

The decision will be made late February or early March. We have until then to mull it over and his teacher will give us her recommendation. I want to do what's best, but I don't know what that is right now. Hopefully it will make itself clear.

Ben and I were watching Sanctuary on the Sci-Fi network, on which there is a character who is supposed to be Nikola Tesla. I had heard of him before and asked who he was. Ben gave me a description of his discoveries and then I asked what a tesla coil was. Ben was surprised that I didn't know. Apparently, he had used one to make a speaker when he was 10. As he explained it, I realized how much I missed in school. Between the ages of 7 and 18, I had a very hard time retaining information because I was often in my own post-traumatic lala land. I do wonder about the nature of things a lot; things I was probably taught at some point in school but have no recollection of learning.

I've decided to find out the answers to my questions and post them here in my journal.

My first question is this- Where do the names for our English months and days come from?

The answers, according to Wikipedia-

America uses a Gregorian calendar. The names of our months originate as follows:
January is named after Janus, the Roman God of gates, doorways, beginnings and endings
February is named after Februus, the Etruscan god of death. Februarias (mensis) is latin for "the month of purification rituals."
March is named after Mars, the Roman God of war.
April has an uncertain origin, outlined here.
May is named after the Roman goddess Maia Maiestas.
June is named after the Roman goddess Juno.
July is named after Julius Caesar.
August is named after the Roman Emperor Augustus.
September, October, November, and December are named after the Latin words for seven, eight, nine, and ten, respectively. July used to be called Quintilis and August used to be called Sextilis, though both were changed BC.

Our days of the week come from Germanic gods, even though the system was introduced by the Romans.
Sunday comes from an old English word that means "Day of the Sun."
Monday comes from an old English word that means "Day of the Moon."
Tuesday comes from an old English word that means "Tyr's day." Tyr is a Germanic god of combat.
Wednesday comes from an old English word that means "day of Wodan (or Odin)."
Thursday comes from an old English word that means "day of Thor." Thor is the god of thunder.
Friday comes from an old English word that means "day of Frige." Frige is the goddess of beauty.
Saturday is the only day of the week that has a Roman origin to the god Saturn. All other days of the week had Roman origins that were then associated with equivalent Germanic gods.
(Wikipedia- Weekday names)

This concludes today's Q&A. Thanks for reading!

I'm starting to wonder how to celebrate Christmas without being Christian. It's already confused Sage and now it's starting to confuse me.

Sage is doing a little bit better. He's getting fiber supplements daily and milk of magnesia when he needs it. Mae has been having trouble as well, so I've started her on fiber supplments too. I've also started giving them water flavored with a little bit of juice rather than juice with a little bit of water. I think that something is constipating them and then the amount of juice they drink upsets their digestion the other way and it just leads to bad things. Hopefully the fiber will help; if not, it's back to the doctor.

Ben went to a dermatologist for his moles and was declared ok. I need to examine them monthly to make sure none are growing abnormally, and he had one more removed, but there's nothing super-scary going on right now. I am very relieved.

Mae's birthday party and Halloween were both joyful occasions! Her party was fun, but the sugar-free banana cupcakes were disgusting. We had a birthday dinner for Mae and my mom at House of Japan on Thursday night and that went really well. Sage loves all the fire during the cooking and Mae loves looking at the koi pond so they both behaved and everyone had a good time.

Sage started swimming lessons two Mondays ago, which was a disaster. He started screaming once we got to the gym and then hid in a locker and kicked me when I tried to get him to come out. He wanted to go play in the child center so I made a deal with him that if he sat and watched the class then he could go and play. After about five minutes he got bored and I managed to talk him into getting in the water. He didn't participate, but hey, at least he was in the water. The next Monday, Ben made a deal with him that if he participated in the whole class then he could choose a special place to go out to dinner. He did just that and earned a trip back to House of Japan. Part of me is annoyed that he acted like such a spazz for me and then behaved himself when bribed, but he was generally petrified that first time. I think his behavior was due to nerves, distrust of a new teacher, and dislike of the water. It was like he believed the teacher was just going to toss him in the deep end! I hope classes go as smooth as the second one from now on, without bribery. I'm not taking him to House of Japan every Monday, that's for sure.

I've been playing WoW again lately, and also still knitting. This is a hard season for me. It's oddly appropriate that my own ghosts and goblins come up to haunt me this time of year. I'm trying not to let melancholy set it in and enjoy what everyone else does- the autumn colors, a sunny day, my kids playing the leaves.

Ben had moles removed and one came back abnormal. Sage hasn't pooped in days and now needs an x-ray to figure out why. Mae's birthday is tomorrow. Trick or Treat is Friday. I am so tired I just want to lay down and die. AAaaaaaaaaahHHHHHHHH!

Things have calmed down around here. Mae is sleeping through the night with the help of some Motrin. Sage is still having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, so we've been giving him Benadryl when he wakes up the first time. What seems to be happening is he'll doze off and then wake up convinced that there are little fish all over his ceiling. Two nights ago, he dreamed that the fish were going to cover Mae up, so he crawled into bed with her. After a dose of Benadryl, he sleeps well and wakes up refreshed. If this goes on for a few more weeks, I'm going to take him to the doctor.

School is going well. He loves getting on the bus, always seems to have a good day, and likes his teacher. He even has two friends, Elena and Ian! I'm trying to find things to do with Mae between 11:30 and 1pm, so email me if you wanna hang! Have a good weekend, all.

So, Mae has been waking up crying in the night for over a week now. I took her pacifier away nearly two weeks ago now, but I blame the problem on those two pesky molars that are coming through. She's been slobbering and chewing on her fingers for a while. Baby Ibuprofen has helped her fall asleep at bedtime, which was also a screaming fit. She doesn't seem to need anything when she wakes up crying, but she gets pissed when I try to leave the room after checking on her. She just wants to be held until she says, "Night night." Last night, I rocked her for about five minutes until she was ready to go back to bed. She was screaming, "No night night!" and I felt bad for her. Ben said I was just digging myself a bigger hole, but it's hard to hear her crying. I want her to know that I will be there for her. I want her to trust that I will make her feel better when she is sad. It's also a selfish need- she's probably my last one. When she grows up, will I regret rocking her or will I regret letting her cry?

However, I also know that toddlers are creatures of habit and this rocking her in middle of the night could go on for a long time. So I'm asking for advice or opinions on what to do. I supposed I should also consult my other journal's memories to see what I did with Sage, since I don't really remember.